Be Afraid

Don’t you hate it when you have moments when the best thing you should do is find a cave, crawl in and stay there until nighttime comes and the blood sucking vampire that faces you from your mirror has been stabbed with that wooden stake through its heart?

Today, I was walking toward the office and that feeling washed over me of unrevealed, unwarranted, unwelcomed and certainly unwanted anger. All day long, Cyndi received the wrath of unfiltered words and thoughts. She hung in there and finally said, “Spill Pam. Why are you so mad?”

“Mad” is a good word. It connotes insanity. I have no reason to be angry and yet I was feeling angry. She had the misfortune to be in my line of fire and I blasted away. She alternated between trying to get me to talk or talking to me. I just yelled at her and told her to shut it. I glared at her intrusive and endless questioning. She was bound and determined to find the root of my evil temper. What a huge waste of time! There is no root, just fruit.

Eventually, I passed through it. She put the wooden stake back in the drawer. I got busy writing and I found myself starting to feel happy again. I found humor. I found laughter.

When I left she said she was glad that this day was over and I was “more normal” again. I said, “What if that mad woman is who I really am?” She laughed out loud but I could see a hint of fear in her eyes. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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