Intimacy

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, ARIZONA — “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.” — George Washington

Spring should be a time of new growth. The weather is warmer. The flowers are blooming. And yet I feel such melancholy. It is the time of year that symbolizes new birth, but that also is possible because of death. I don’t think I have always felt this way at this time of year but I do now. Memories flood back of moments gone by. Words that weren’t spoken, thoughts that were not expressed. Now those words cannot be said and those thoughts are buried deep in the frozen past.

Recently, I have received many “forwards” from people and I have viewed many movies with themes to suggest that every moment should not pass without genuine affection between friends and family. I am approaching that age that some of my peers are no more. Mortality is so ever present.

I am constantly reminded, there is no time to dwell in the past. There is no time to fret over the future. There is only the here and now.

And, yet, I move through my days, hesitant and wary of making too many or too drastic changes for fear of upsetting those around me, saying to myself, “Not, now. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow.” Our film, BAD TIMING, is now on the Internet Movie Database. In the film world, there is now a site that recognizes that I, Pamela Jo Bowman have produced a film. Instead of feeling like I’ve reached an important milestone, the page occurs only as a beginning, a list of what I have started — a page that reminds me of what I have yet to do. Can I? Will I? The ticking clock is a wonderful cinematic device but it is daunting for a human being. Every passing season becoming one less season to accomplish all I hope to finish. Every existing moment giving me another opportunity to do all that I want.

Realize courtesy to self counts. I have withstood the shock of the adversary. I am entitled to the appellation.

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