I was raised in a church that taught, “All children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the kingdom of heaven.” 

In the Catholic Church, seven is the age of accountability. In another, it is eight. Some churches put it at 12 since that was the age at which it was written; Jesus began to understand right from wrong. In the Jewish religion, it is 13. Muslims believe in the age of puberty—rather vague. Other religions understand there is an age of accountability but have yet to explicitly declare what that age should be. 

This age of accountability has become the accepted opinion of many religious folks. Children who die before the age of accountability or baptism are believed to be either saved in the kingdom of heaven or entrusted to the mercy of God.

Having experienced one miscarriage and one tubal pregnancy, I can affirm that this concept brought me comfort during a difficult time. When my situation was diagnosed, my doctor performed the necessary procedure to remove the fetus in the first incident and, two years later, before I bled out, removed the damaged fallopian tube in the second. He was unable to fix my broken heart or ease the grief I felt. Believing that my children got a one-way pass to heaven, well, as a mother, that was comforting. No life of hard knocks for my two angels. How fortunate they were, but I still miss them. It’s strange how that feels. 

I had a nightly ritual during my pregnancies. With my growing family tucked into bed, I performed a safety check through the house. Stove off, doors locked, and lights out.  The house was semi-quiet.  I lay next to my undiagnosed sleep apnea husband and took these solitary moments to hug my unborn child. I would lay my hands across my abdomen,  and I would wait. By the third month, I could feel pressure slowly lean into my hands. Movement. This ritual continued as my stomach expanded. My warm hands lay waiting. The pressure arrived, and we hugged through skin, muscle, and blood for a few moments. I would smile and think, hello, little one. Only then would I fade off to sleep. This was pure, sacred, non-verbal communication between me and my growing child.  

I tell you this because I want you to understand that I don’t believe I could personally ever choose to have an abortion, but according to some state laws, I have had two.

And now, something to consider. If when a child dies before the age of accountability, he/she goes straight to God’s embrace, if you believe that a fetus is life, would an unborn child not have that same opportunity? You can’t have it both ways. 

And I am not suggesting or justifying that a parent should martyr a child or fetus to ensure salvation. Let’s not be a fanatic, deal?

I am suggesting I am not God or godly, and neither are you. We can justify our agenda with religious inferences. You can, and many do. I understand many truly believe these mothers are murdering their children. I can tell you from experience that that is how I felt. Did I murder my children? Did I eat something or do something that ended their lives? Did I move somehow, allowing the little zygote to swim upstream and lodge within my fallopian tube? The tears came, and the sadness still seeps into my veins as I lay my hands on my empty and cold abdomen 35 years later. I still mourn. I remember what I would have named them. I wonder how their laughter would sound. I know what age they would be today.  I wonder…. many things.

You might believe that I would be pro-life, and you would be right. What I believe in even more is agency. Yes, I believe that the right to choose trumps, well, everything.   I am pro-none-of-my-business, pro-choice, and pro-accountability for everyone. It is the first law of heaven. 

We do not know each situation, nor should we. We do not have the right to choose for anyone other than ourselves. I have heard the argument that a mother does not have the right to decide for her unborn child, fetus, or zygote. Then who does? You? Governors? Congress? Ecclesiastical leaders? The Bible? God? No. 

If you are a reader and believer in the Bible, then you have read that it values the mother’s life most. It states that if the mother’s life is injured, resulting in death, then the offender shall be executed; however, if the fetus’ life is taken after injury by another, the offender will be reprimanded with a fine. The reason is that, in the bible, life does not begin until the first breath. 

What about rape or incest? I have watched grown men, influential men, argue that a child conceived in rape was God’s will. A victim of rape was not given a choice and should not be denied her agency again. To allow men to proclaim it is God’s will is evil. To justify the selfish sexual acts of men is deplorable. Any of those who justify this heinous act should be ashamed of themselves. I often wonder if such people know what shame is. How would they react if someone committed such an act on them?  Was that an act of God? If a rape of a woman is, then a rape of a man is as well. Of course, men don’t have to deal with pregnancy, shame, judgment, abandonment, or the heart-wrenching choices that women face. Men sit and judge and create laws that remove the very thing bestowed on all humans, male and female: the right to choose.

What I have learned is grace. Rape victims can’t change or forget what happened. A child conceived in rape/incest is forced to live with the DNA of a rapist. Just as those born with the DNA of those who justify the atrocity. A soul-killing man who devalued a woman for his pleasure or one who justifies it as the will of God. No one should justify such an act or claim it to be the will of God. And those that do are just as guilty as the rapist. Those women will have to live with that violation for the rest of their lives. Whatever her choice is, it is hers, not yours or mine. 

And yes, a small percentage of women use abortion as a means of birth control. That is the truth. They do not believe that a fetus is a living child. They have a right to live according to the dictates of their conscience, not mine and not yours. I am unwilling to give up my agency to force another to give up theirs. I am unwilling to give up my beliefs, and I am unwilling to force others to give up theirs. Although, at times, I wish to.

I often hear or read about third-trimester abortions as if they are common. 1% is not common. 

Let’s get real. Why would a woman choose to wait until her 6th month or beyond and then decide, nope, I don’t want this child? I’ve gone through the morning sickness, the hormones, and body changes, but now that I’m feeling better, I’ve decided to end this. Trust the data; there are extenuating circumstances. The reasons for a late-term abortion are complicated. A tiny percentage of women didn’t even know they were pregnant. Shocking, but true. Some women discover during the later months that their child has physical limitations that will result in a painfully short life span. Some find out their child doesn’t have a brain or heart, or their organs are outside their bodies, and they will die shortly after a painful birth or live with pain and agony. 

I have heard stories about women who were told their baby had life-threatening issues and were given the option to terminate; they refused, and their child was born with minimal problems or none at all. And there are just as many, if not more, women without prenatal care who were unaware of their child’s physical and mental issues until the child was born. They then had to watch helplessly as their baby, in pain, slowly succumbed to death.  Now the mother is crippled with emotional trauma and will soon be informed of her financial responsibility for the care her child received after birth and death.  

And the financial consequences, for most women, don’t matter. We want our babies to be healthy and happy at all costs. So, choosing an abortion also comes with financial consequences. The cost of late-term abortions is punitive. The earliest abortions typically cost less than $800.00. A third-term abortion? We are talking up to $25,000.00. So, yeah, let’s wait and decide to have an abortion when it will cost more emotionally and financially. That makes sense. 

Those mothers who make an informed decision should not be punished, imprisoned, or fined for determining what is in the best interest of her, her family, and the unborn.  Nor should their care providers.

So, what about violent abortions?  I have heard and watched videos of abortions that are brutal and violent. There are options, solutions, and dignity for the unborn, which should be instituted. There is no excuse for such barbaric abortion methods.  Perform these procedures with humanity. No discussion.

If you genuinely believe in God’s almighty power, God and God alone will judge all of us. If a woman’s choice is wrong, she will be held accountable by a being more significant than you or me. The believers must understand that God did not need anyone to create the mountains, oceans, trees, and bees. And God does not need anyone to pass judgment on these women. A woman who has chosen to abort a life developing inside her should not be forced to value the judgment of other humans over her own. She needs compassion, confidence in her wisdom of choice, and a safe space.

So, live what you profess. Is God all-knowing? Is God omnipotent? Is God merciful? Choose whether you believe in a just God or not. And if you are a believer, let God do Godly judgment. And remember what you profess: Judge not, that ye be not judged. … For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. So, those who judge these women will someday be judged for someone else’s choice. And that is your choice.