I watched it finally. In bed. Alone.

Everyone told me it wasn’t very good so my expectations were pretty low.

Afterward I internalized most everything. I always do. I am the center of my universe as you are the center of yours. Life.

So, honestly I was feeling pretty blue because I realized that many people in my universe would really be better off if I was not in their universe. Kind of earth shattering.

Reminds me of when Saac and Ben spent the night at Kelly’s once upon a time and she scolded me in the loving way that only Kelly can. “Pam, why doesn’t Saacer know how to cut his own meat? I mean for heavens sake he is 5-years-old!”

Now I often look at my actions and wonder if I am cutting someone’s meat when they so clearly could and should and would if I would just get out of their way.

It is hard to admit that there are many people in the world that would be happy, and dare I admit it, happier if I or you weren’t around… ever again.

Kind of sobering.

That and other self-revelations prompted bathroom crying. Thank goodness for showers that drown tears and the blubbering sound I am prone to make.

I still managed to eat, pray and love. All three swallow self-loathing and sorrow. Kind of like chocolate and Dr. Pepper. Both of which have been voluntarily removed from my daily diet. The sacrifices I make for…me!

Now I need to get out of my own way. That is always most difficult.

Good thing I have low expectations.