What are our options?
- If Mr. Trump becomes president, then the United States will no longer be a democracy. We will have enabled a dictator to rule and reign. Some are excited at that prospect. And if you don’t believe that is possible, you aren’t paying attention.
- If Ms. Harris becomes president, then the United States will explode, and we will fight a civil war. Mr. Trump will coerce his followers to overthrow the government so he can become a dictator.
3. If Mr. Trump concedes, which he states he will not do, and Ms. Harris becomes President, what am I even thinking? There will never be unity in our country again. How do I know? I have lost relationships, and I will lose more because one man has decided it has to be his way or no way. One man has decided his warped values have to be everyone’s values. Am I concerned about those who are brave enough to speak out against such a tyrant? You bet I am, but if I am punished, imprisoned, or banished, that is the price I am willing to pay for my right to an opinion. I say that now. Talk to me in a year. But you won’t, will you.
Sounds like a lose/lose situation. But that’s it. That is how the country crumbles.
So, what do we value more? Our democracy, our country, or the man who has shown us who he is and what he will do if elected president again.
And I am not saying I trust Ms. Harris. And it isn’t because someone has decided to call her a whore or a power-hungry woman. I mean, it’s okay for Mr. Trump to sleep with whores or be power-hungry, but a woman? Nope. Unacceptable. But I get it. How in this world can a woman ever get that far without sleeping around? I say that just to make you question your values about women. Did that hurt? Frankly, I don’t believe she was a whore or slept her way to the presidency. However, there is evidence that Mr. Trump bought his way there, which is kind of the same thing. But for some reason, that is acceptable. Go figure.
Let’s discuss the unacceptable. I have had ‘me too’ experiences with men who objectified me, belittled me, and subjugated me my entire life. Unfortunately, what I believed was that I was less than. And parts of me still believe that. I recognized time and time again that men who found women attractive thought those women found them attractive or appealing. It was a projection. If they see a woman in the office, who is accommodating, helpful, loyal, or, heaven forbid, attractive, the women must indeed and categorically find them equally appealing. I found their arrogance and self-love amusing but predictable. You learn to navigate around the misogyny. After all, it’s a job. It pays the bills.
Let me go ahead and preface this with this: through the years and experiences of “me too,” from when I was a child, a young adult, and later a married woman, I would, at times, share my experiences with a trusted friend, partner, or confidant. Invariably, I was blamed, guilted, not believed, or encouraged to feel privileged to receive such unsolicited attention, physical, emotional, and psychological. I know what that feels like. It is not privileged. I never understood why I was blamed. And why is the man believed or excused? And how do men justify or deny what they instigated? There is so much more evidence of men misbehaving. There is so much more evidence that women are surprised by the advances and are at a loss for words and often a disadvantage for physical resistance. And yet, society gives men a pass. Locker room antics. Boys will be boys. Men are just wired like that. And I thought those days were over for this old lady. I was wrong.
Just last year, a 26-year-old man asked to sit with me, a 65-year-old woman at the time, to watch the sunset at the beach. I was sitting alone, and he said I looked like he felt. He suggested we have sex “because we both seemed sad.” My sunset was ruined. Of course, I got up and left the beach feeling disgusted and offended. When I conveyed this experience to family and friends? “Wow, you should be flattered that such a young guy would want you. You still got it.” What exactly do I still have? One friend understood that someone invaded my space, and I experienced a repulsive, unwanted, and inappropriate proposal. Thanks for that. Much appreciated.
I share this to make a point about the presidential candidates. I know what I have experienced and what I have learned. Trump has had countless women come forth and share his inappropriate behavior. We have even heard it from him. But, many refuse to believe the women. It just goes to show us, us. And it is a sad and demented denial of values. Because of my life experience, I can confidently say the man lies. I think it might be pathological, but I’m not a doctor.
And let me just clarify: I have had male bosses, and I have had female bosses. Experiencing disrespect from either has been horrific and demoralizing. Women can be pathological liars and egotistical asses too.
I do not excuse either. My experience is my own. My male bosses typically have been easier to work with. They often appreciated my efforts on the company’s behalf, but I was not naive about their thoughts and sometimes their attention. My father was very clear. Men always have one dominant thought towards women, no matter what she looks like or how old she is. I also learned from him how essential it is to stroke a man’s ego. These messages were conveyed time and time again. The message was received and embedded into my very soul.
Now consider Ms. Harris as the President. I reflect on my experience with women bosses. I was not prepared for them. Women bosses or women who felt they had authority were the worst. I never understood why. Do they find other women threatening? Their behavior and arrogance were always a surprise and always hurtful. They spoke with such aggressive meanness. They would poison certain women’s wells. Sometimes, they would directly insult us to our faces and smugly walk away. They were not liked, and they didn’t seem to care. It was all about them, and heaven forbid if a subordinate said or did something they interpreted as disrespectful. One woman told me she would teach me how to public speak and that I was a terrible writer. Well, that hurt. It made me doubt everything about me. She was ignorant that her public lectures were dreaded in the office, and her writing was bland and uninspiring. But I would never tell her that. That would be rude and unkind. However, I hope she reads this and thinks about the damage she did. I know I’m petty, too. It’s a good thing I’ve never been a boss.
I know, where is this heading? Stick with me, it will make sense, I hope.
I was once a marketing director for a large law firm. Half of the women attorneys I assisted were unkind, demanding, and disrespectful to other women. They were not with the men. The other women attorneys were smart enough to know that the office personnel were there to help them succeed. I could describe the not nice women in a more derogatory way, but trust me, no one put a muzzle on them. And so, when I consider Ms. Harris, I must acknowledge that she was and presumably still is an attorney. And with my experiences with female attorneys or women in authority, I was and am suspect.
Is she a leader who inspires with confidence and kindness, appreciates team members, and provides growth opportunities, or is she bossy, condescending, and spiteful? And by the same token, is he? Is she a leader who only allows one self-proclaimed expert or genius in the room or at the table while ostracizing others with something to offer that she can not? And again, is he? Ms. Harris and Mr. Trump must be appreciative, supportive, and team-oriented bosses. Mr. Trump did not learn that lesson while President. Perhaps as Vice President, Ms. Harris realized how essential teamwork is for her and the country’s success.
I admit my judgment is based on hearsay. I don’t know Ms. Harris. But having your assistants quit often—well, that evidence only supports my concern. As we have learned through history, the presidency is not a position for an insecure individual who needs constant validation or seeks unwavering loyalty and unrestrained power.
And Mr. Trump has also had a significant number of his associates quit on him. Many have spoken negatively about his leadership and lack of leadership skills or humanity. His resume of failed bankrupt businesses does not support the rhetoric of good business practices or ethics. If your definition of a good businessman is you make money and then screw everyone else, well then, you got your man. However, the country needs a leader with business success for his entire company, in this case, American citizens—especially those who work hard and are not fairly compensated. Trump’s experience is making money while the company he creates goes bankrupt. Having our country go bankrupt while Mr. Trump receives financial compensation is counterproductive but, unfortunately, inevitable. Just look at his last presidency and the deficit. It was all smoke and mirrors.
Is that why they should be disqualified from the presidency? Shouldn’t it be about policy? Yes, and no. If you lack character traits that encompass service to the least of these, you don’t belong in the White House. And really, it doesn’t matter because it all comes back to the original options.
Either a dictator or a civil war. Both terrify me, but I’m now 66. My children and grandchildren will have to live through the consequences of the choices we, as citizens, have been denied.
We humor ourselves, believing we can vote for who our President will be. But that isn’t true. Mr. Trump decided years ago to run for president. The people didn’t choose him to run. Ms. Harris had ambitions to be president, but we didn’t choose her to run either. United States citizens want an incorruptible servant to promote their interests. And that person doesn’t exist in the political realm. Is there anyone in the world who will not or can not be corrupted with power? Perhaps only those who avoid it at all costs. I think we can all agree that anyone who runs for President is a narcissist. They must believe they have the skills and experience to run a country with unsolvable problems. They can’t solve them. No ONE can. United, we have a chance. That may not be very optimistic, but I think that is the truth we must understand. It will help us in an uncertain future where our freedoms as Americans will end.
The future will hold new options. I believe it rests with us. The character and heart of the American people. Do we deserve a country based on respect for others, individual rights, and freedoms? Do we choose who we want to be daily by how we treat each other? That is what creates a country of equals. It doesn’t look promising. And it will be challenging, but it isn’t impossible. The truth is kind. And fortunately, we still get to choose who we are and how we will act every day.
Or we can comply and conform.
Will there only be peace if we are forced into submission? I don’t think so, and neither does history.